Solstice Recovery Podcast Page Series: Ep 2
Episode 2: Reza’s 120-Day Journey — Insights & Highlights
Hosted by Eric Bornstein (founder of Solstice Recovery and long-time leader in the Los Angeles AA community) and co-host Brian Meyerhofer, this conversation spotlights Reza A., our longest-term resident. After nearly five years sober, Reza spiralled through relapse, marijuana-induced psychosis, homelessness, and two fentanyl overdoses before finding his way to Solstice Recovery. Now 120 days into his stay, he reflects on humility, service, and the transformational power of community.
Drawing from their personal recovery journeys, our hosts provide their unique professional experience and real-life perspectives.
While watching this episode, follow along with our key insights provided below.
Follow Along with Some Key Insights & Highlights
1. Getting Honest & Asking for Help (00:45 – 02:10)
“I called Anthony from a hotel room and admitted I was beaten. That single act started everything that came next.”
Reza explains the moment he surrendered his ego, reached out, and accepted a ride to detox—showing that willingness is always the first step.
2. Losing Five Years of Sobriety (03:05 – 05:30)
“I stopped calling my sponsor, stopped sponsoring others, and let success replace spirituality.”
Reza breaks down how ego, money, and disconnection from service quietly eroded a once-solid program.
3. The Ego Trap of Success & Money (05:31 – 07:10)
Selling hyped sneakers, lavish dinners, and bottle service “felt sophisticated,” masking growing spiritual bankruptcy.
4. Why Service Keeps Us Sober (07:11 – 08:55)
Reza and Eric discuss sponsorship, newcomers, and why helping others is a non-negotiable for long-term recovery.
5. THC Potency & Marijuana-Induced Psychosis (09:00 – 11:40)
“Seven grams a day of high-grade concentrates put me into full-blown psychosis.”
The episode highlights how today’s ultra-potent cannabis can trigger severe mental-health breaks, especially for the predisposed.
6. Homelessness & Hitting Bottom (11:41 – 13:20)
Seventeen days missing on the streets of San Pedro underscored how far addiction had taken him—and how community rallied to bring him back.
7. Overdosing on Fentanyl — Divine Intervention (13:21 – 15:00)
“Both overdoses happened in front of people with Narcan. God clearly wasn’t done with me yet.”
A stark reminder of today’s lethal opioid landscape and the fragile line between life and death.
8. Rebuilding Hope at Solstice (15:01 – 17:30)
A smaller house, hands-on owners, and a tight four-person community gave Reza the calm structure he needed to heal.
9. The Power of Routine, IOP, & Big-Book Study (17:31 – 19:00)
Warner Park IOP’s book-study groups rekindled his belief that real psychic change is possible.
10. Humility, Faith & Carrying the Message (19:01 – 21:15)
“God gave me another chance. Now it’s my job to keep the door open for the next man.”
Reza closes with gratitude, emphasizing service, humility, and spiritual growth as the pillars of his renewed life.
Conclusion & Goals for the Podcast (36:29–38:39)
“We’re looking to raise consciousness around addiction, to translate beautiful experiences we’ve had in recovery, making them accessible to everyone.”
Episode 2 underscores that relapse doesn’t have to be the end of the story. Through humility, community, and consistent action, lasting transformation is possible.
▼ Show Full Transcript
episode two Solstice recovery podcast we are here at our current Solstice house in cver City Culver City California where our beautiful home resides today we're going to be talking with one of our residents who is our longest term resident his name is Rea he has about he's been with us for about 90 days so far almost 120 days coming up on 120 days with us and uh he's going to tell us a little bit about the house we're super excited to hear a little bit about res story he's got a lot of lot of experience in recovery yeah I believe he
had 5 years at one point a lot of time but he's got a lot of really good Insight spiritual man Godly Man woke up this morning with him in the house we went outside we said some prayers while we were drinking our coffee um excited to hear hear Reza's story I think he's got a unique perspective and and some experiences as well that are that are super informative of this process oh yeah 100% 100% And if there's somebody that's walking the walk and talking the talk it's Resa and that's I'm seeing the changes in his
life so I'm really excited to talk to him today and you know hear what he has to say and hear a little bit about his story and dive in there 100% so without further Ado we have Reza how's it going welcome on the Pod man thank you so you've Seena you've gotten to see us like kind of set this up you've gotten to actually kind of see us from the beginning go through a we're still going through Growing Pains but uh you know set up the house you've been here pretty much from the beginning see us how see how we're changing things you've been
really flexible with the changes and some of the things that we've been implementing here you know and working with us and understanding that we're learning just as much as you're learning and we're really happy with uh that you've been here as our quote unquote ride or die um but you've got about almost what 120 days so now got a little over 120 days oh a little over 120 days okay fantastic that's wonderful man that's really amazing now you came in here here tell us about how you came into Solstice okay so I've pretty much
been trying this since February 2022 okay and I've had a string of relapses I really struggled this time around yeah like before I had 5 years that was the most amount of time I've had and for some reason this go at sobriety was really difficult my mental health declined tremendously I had a really bad psychosis and you know for a while I was hopping through sober living to detox to residential back to sober living and I just couldn't get it and I believe I found out about you guys through my friend Anthony who was a
client at the time here at Solstice recovery and I was on another run you know I was in a hotel and I talked to Anthony and he he gave me you and Brian's information and I was in contact with both you guys and I was blessed to have Brian come pick me up from the hotel I was in and and he took me to Miracles detox and after my time was done there he picked me up immediately and uh I started my journey in Solstice wonderful wow wow wow so tell me tell me a little bit about what it was like to and I know recovery is not always linear you know
but what was it like to have 5 years of sobriety that's pretty long-term sobriety I mean when Bill Wilson and Dr Bob wrote The Big Book I believe he only had 5 years of recovery so tell me what it was like when you had 5 years of recovery what was the cognitive thinking that you went through what was what led up to making that first choice of picking up that drink after 5 years of being in this program yeah it's a good question uh so when I had 5 years I you know I thoroughly worked the steps you know with a sponsor I had a lot going
for me I remember going back to school I finished my undergrad degree in Psychology at se Sun I did some of my master program at USC you know I got accepted to USC and then uh somehow I got into the sneaker business through a friend in recovery and so life was going pretty well for you life was going great yeah I was I was making money I've never seen before wow and uh you know it was a slow process cuz I was still consistently going to a lot of meetings I still was in the fellowship I had a lot of friends in recovery but you know
I believe the job I had you know the money I was making it it brought my go back because I was you know I remember there was a year I made more money than my parents even that year after taxes and I couldn't believe how much money I was making you're saying that money started to become your higher power you started to put more value into money and the monetary and material things than you did into your spirituality yeah I mean it was money it was success it was all in like the same Spectrum you know and I just I felt like I was the [ __ ]
you know like like I got a second chance at life at the time and things were just going [ __ ] great mhm but you know at the time also I had a different sponsor and I wasn't calling him that often so I was kind of disconnected from you know the sponsorship yeah which I feel like was really important and at that time I didn't have any sponses either you know and uh I remember the sponsor I had before they would always relapse and I feel like that was one thing that was kind of like neglected in my program like I always wanted to have success
with a spon c and I you know I was unlucky not to have that success yeah and uh yeah towards the end I I wasn't sponsoring people and I probably was disconnected from helping others and I was more consumed about myself yeah you know 100% and not everybody is going to be not everybody that you help is going to be successful in this program and we can't allow our sobriety to be contingent upon other people's successes I can't tell you I've had countless spones who and all of my friends have who just like they'll work with us for a
few weeks and they'll be really gung-ho about it and then I don't ever hear about them again you know that's just how it works you know or like you know they get they get to a certain point in the steps and sometimes the emotional labor of recovery and changing yourself is too hard and it's too hard to remain accountable to somebody else so they just stop calling you they ghost you you know or they you know want to work with somebody else they you you know addicts and alcoholics are very much in the in the mindset when we get uncomfortable we
don't want to sit in it we want to change we want to move pull a geographical go somewhere else hang out with a new crew try something else get a new job it's always the outside thing outside stimulus that's making us uncomfortable but remember that discomfort is coming from within yeah you know and I mean you you make a really good point like it's not about the spon sees but I just feel like in general I wasn't helping others yeah and that could be just having a conversation with someone at the meeting that's a
newcomer someone that's struggling kind of thinking about someone beside besides myself and I feel like that also plays a part with my relationship with my higher power God it wasn't there as it once was because they all kind of tie in together and I was just feeding myself and I just wanted to make a lot of money get a lot of girls you know it was just all about me again you know yeah yeah yeah yeah 100% % is becomes the Reza show yeah you know everything's about Reza how can we make Reza feel the best you know yeah
you know how can we get him the most [ __ ] how could we get him the most money how can we get him the most cars you know whatever and I was living it up I was living you're living it up but uh we have to be when we get success we have to be humble about it show humility humility is such a big part of spiritual growth and remain remembering that you're no better than anybody else I was uh I was with a client yesterday and we were standing at standing in line I was standing in line with him to go get his food stamps um at the I forget
what it's called but we went to go get his food stamps and everybody in line is you know poor is homeless you know struggling they're on the down and out most people were you know even using drugs right there in line I noticed when I was standing in line I was battling my ego to be like I'm so much better than this why am I here this is gross to being like no these people are struggling I was once there I need to practice humility and not not just write these people off not just be like oh these people are just using the system
to you know get free stuff like and it's really hard it's really hard to for that mental battle to you know come out with humility on top instead of your ego on top because your ego is a protection layer it wants to protect you it wants to say you're the best it protects your uh personality you know and humility breaks it down it says you're not the best you're no better than anybody else but you're not worse than anybody else either know yeah so you got the you let your ego get the best of you brother you stop working with others huh yeah well
also yeah I mean we just it was also this the crowd I was around you know we're all selling sneakers we're all like in business we're making good money and it was very competitive yeah it's like that hype Beast crowd you know it's all such La culture too we had a like a we had a couple chat rooms and we would just Flex our sales like oh my sale is better than your sale oh you know I made 500 off this sneaker and it was just so competitive that it was just all ego and we would have all these dinners and they
would also make drinking look sophisticated because they're making a lot of money they're not getting drunk as [ __ ] they're not falling off the table you know they're having a couple drinks and we're talking about work and business buying the best tequila the best whiskey bottle service at the clubs making a little glamor Glam and for me it was just like look at me like I'm so successful like I went back to school I graduated I was in Masters at USC now I decided to take business I'm killing the business I'm making so much m
money why can't I have a [ __ ] drink yeah you know MH I can have a drink at this point you know I deserve a drink for success I need to celebrate yeah you know and that's those are the things that came into play yeah yeah yeah but it also took a while like I remember thinking about it for like a year before I actually took a drink yeah you know and it was very like small thoughts it wasn't like obsessive thoughts but it kept creeping up and I feel like the last couple months it was just the fear of doing it you know that was the only
thing standing in my way yeah you know yeah and towards those last couple months how involved were you in the AA Community were you still going to meetings those last couple months before you real were you still hanging out with people in AA or had you completely disconnected well here's the thing I kind of was going to meetings but it was getting smaller and smaller my participation recovery but I was also working part-time at a so living okay till I even relapsed so when I relapsed I like texted the owner and I was like
I'm thank you for the opportunity you know I'm going to have to go my separate ways yeah so but but at that place when I used to go to work I would just take him to meetings a couple days a week but I was kind of disconnected I was on my phone all the time I was over it cuz I was working there for like four years at this point wow you know yeah yeah of course so I was still doing that on the side and doing sneakers fulltime you know yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and a lot of us think that you know working in our
recover working in recovery whether it's at a treatment center or a sober living or an IOP or a PHP we think that that can can become our program because we're working in it that can become our program but no that's our work that's what we do for monetary gain that's what we do for financial success that's what we do to gather resources and keep oursel a flow but that's not service service is altruistic I always say then and it can be confused for service a lot working at those uh working at those treatment centers
because you are working with people that are newly in recovery you are giving them advice but service begins where a convenience ends that's what I always say so if it's convenient for you you're making money off of it it's not service if it's inconvenient for you and you're going out of your way and you're going to pick up a newcomer that lives across town you're talking to them the whole car ride you guys don't really drive together but he's struggling and you got advice to tell him you take him through the steps you take him through the book
you take them to a meeting that is service you know it's inconvenient it's not it's but it's keeping you sober you know and at the end of the day when you drop him off after that meeting you feel so much better because you know that you help somebody and even if they don't get it you know like some of your spones did yeah didn't they understand that you understand that you passed on your knowledge and you tried your best and we that's a great Paradox of this program is that you have to give it away to keep it right we learn by we teaching
you know so when you stray away from that when you stop being of service when you stop taking people through the book when you stop trying to help newcomers you start to lose out one on one of the essential tenants of this program which is service the whole house can come collapsing down if that's not if that's not working you know so uh why don't you tell me a little bit about what it uh what it was like you know when you went out how how fast did your life collapse take me into the depths if you if you you know I want to hear about it I want
to know you know it was a slow process like I you know I I relapsed on the 4th of July 2018 I remember like it was yesterday you know and I remember before I even relapsed like I told my mom I was going to drink yeah because I didn't want to keep any secrets from them I know that they're not stupid my parents yeah they were going to find out anyway and at the time I was living under their roof so I told them that you know what I work the steps I'm a different person than when I checked in the treatment you know I'm a whole different person that
was a bad time I can handle it and it took me a while you know I was doing drinking weekends you know it took me a couple months to even try weed and cocaine I was drinking for a good amount amount of time just drinking mhm but I noticed that slowly I was starting to look forward to the weekends more yeah you know I would still work all day doing the sneakers but then you know look forward to like going out hitting the bars at night yeah and it it you know it was very slow like I was out for 4 years before I entered treatment again
yeah you know it wasn't like something quick I was still making good money you know with the sneakers but slowly you know my parents were getting kind of frustrated they were you know they know those like differences in me and were you still living with your parents at the time yeah I was and then after like eight I think 8 to 10 months yeah I could tell my dad was getting on my case a lot so I moved out yeah yeah yeah I moved out got up a room in a house in Beverly Hills I knew the landlord and I lived there for another like 8 10 months
okay yeah so I did that just kind of like yeah yeah kind of get off my back and yeah have more freedom to do whatever I wanted to do yeah yeah yeah of course but yeah I mean and then I saw myself getting bad with the cocaine and that was one uh drug that I wasn't really a fan of you know when I was using before yeah like obviously I did it done it plenty of times but I was way more into the downers way more into you know Xanax and and heroin yeah that was my bread and butter at that time but then this time I I I started becoming
like a full-on cokehead yeah you know and I would drink a lot I do a lot of coke m uh Xanax was always in the picture you know and yeah I noticed that it progressed to something different because I was working so much that I kind of knew I can't do opiates and and and keep this up yeah but I can do cocaine and keep this up yeah but I noticed that like there would be a lot of sneaker events and my friends would call me and be like Reza where the [ __ ] are you yeah you know like this is huge release there's a lot of money to be
made and I'll be staying sleeping over you know the chick I was seeing at the time time house and and just doing coke and just hanging out with her and you know having sex whatnot 100% so my priorities were kind of getting Mex mixed up and then Co hit you know and the Ed money was good and I was still making a lot with sneakers and the Ed money was like strictly for drugs yeah you know so yeah you know we couldn't go out people were spending the stimulus checks on the on the sneakers it was a great time it was a great time the sneakers
were selling at the all time I was getting the Ed Money yeah get that stimy check on the yeah it new pandas or whatever sneaker was dropping at the time no pandas weren't really popping at that time I think it was the year after where pandas started okay got yeah but it was it was a great time it was a great [ __ ] time and uh I was like I can do this forever this this this quarantine thing you know and uh but I you know it was weird because like I was so observant you know like I could tell [ __ ] was getting bad but I was like you
know what I can't go back to treatment yeah so I would be like a let me let me cut back a bit you know I'm doing too much coke yeah let me cut back I don't want to end up in treatment God forbid I end up in treatment you know cuz I always tell myself never again yeah I'm never going back to [ __ ] treatment you know no matter what no yeah So eventually you know this is over the course of years right yeah I end up moving back home yeah after the spot in Beverly Hills I wasn't getting along with all the roommates there was too
many roommates so I moved back home and uh at one point I had enough and I was like you know what I'm not doing anything I'm just going to smoke weed yeah you know I can't go back to treatment I saw myself slipping back into treatment you know my parents are getting sick of me so then I started smoking like seven grams of weed a day just that but I was getting the real expensive [ __ ] I was going to the dispensaries and you know oh there's a $40 pre-roll infus I'm going to get that the jeters all the expensive pre-rolls
and seven grams of that it's not a joke like this is like this is like a different level of weed all concentrate and you know I'm I'm I'm from California yeah so I know our weed's the best but this is some other [ __ ] yeah the the advancement the scientific advancements that they've come out on synthesizing and concentrating the marijuana and THC nowadays is insane it's just so concentrated it makes people a lot of people who smoke weed fall into schizophrenic breaks that are smoking this weed you know I've seen it a lot of
times with the clients that have come through my doors and this stuff is like it the thing with weed is that like Society paints it as so innocuous it's healing it's a a medicine it's a plant of the earth you know but is it is it a plant of the earth when it's like like being synthesized in a lab and chemically manipulated to extract the THC and give you 100% THD levels that are just like no that's not a it's not a plant at that point you know it's just like you know saying that heroin is a plant because it came from the poppy seed you
know or cocaine is a plant because it's like you know because it came from uh the cocoa Leaf but it has to be synthesized and go go through so much extraction to get to that point and that's what we're seeing with these like THC pens that all the like everybody's using is no the flower is not even around anymore it's just and even the flower itself the way that they're crossbreeding it is just becoming so so potent and it's uh so chemically addictive and physically addictive in your brain and in your body that people
are you know having a hard time stopping and detoxing I know one of the hardest drugs I had trouble quitting was marijuana and um just because it it was it was painted by Society it's knous drug it's like everyone's doing it it's in culture it's in the you know the raps the songs whatever spirituality spir you know spir even spirituality can be tied to it you know which is very dangerous in of itself but anyway so that was what you know so you started doing all this weed and you're like this is going to be the limit of what I do you know yeah but
it all goes bad all goes all goes bad you got to push the envelope you keep pushing the envelope you got to get to where you want in a way it's like God just wanted me to be back in the program like looking back at it like think the way things planned out it was like I needed to get sober you know nothing no plan of mine to like limit what I'm doing was going to prevent me from going back into treatment and like I said eventually I got no full-blown psychosis and I was unaware of it yeah you know I was totally unaware of it I remember
certain like obviously certain things I remember one day like I called my parents and I thought there was a bomb in my car wow cuz my car couldn't turn on Wow and it just I don't know why I just tried it one time and and I just was started tripping yeah and then I I left my car like by Fairfax and I somehow got home and and I was convinced there was a bomb planted in my car wow you know and then things just got worse I just I was still smoking and I just was getting into a worse psychosis yeah and I was getting that was just off weed
that was just off weed off weed but weed isn't weed anymore yeah exactly chemical exactly yeah it's a chemical compound at the end of the day yeah and it just it sucked dude like uh end up getting kicked out my house cuz I was just acting crazy you know I remember one time me and my dad I was tripping out of my dad I was paranoid you know I did things I wasn't supposed to do you know and I eventually got kicked out of the house and uh was was homeless and I stayed in a hotel and the next thing you know I wake up and I'm in uh San Pedro
by the beach okay with no money no phone phones gone nothing that's insane yeah and I was missing for 17 days people thought I was dead like my friends were looking for me my parents were looking for me people that I just recently got into contact with that I haven't heard from were like dude we were [ __ ] worried about you yeah like a lot of people were just driving places and they couldn't find me and you know somehow I actually did well homeless cuz I was still in a psychosis yeah and uh but it took me 17 days to kind of get my way
back to the city yeah well it just goes to show that you know like we are not an island as much as we like to think that like we are only hurting ourselves there are so many people that love us depend upon us and want us to do well and maybe they're not playing a active role in your daily life they're still worried about you and they still love you and all of our actions hurt the people around us whether they're our family our friends our girlfriends wives or the people we work with they all of your actions have an effect on other people
and that's what I think was really hard for me to understand as an addict and alcoholic cuz I was always the victim right I was always playing the role of the victim like oh this [ __ ] just this happened to me you know this this guy just ran into my car this uh this person just like you know they fired me for un un like wrongful reasons you know or I failed this class because of a bad teacher it was I was always the victim of circumstance you know but when I I real when I look at it I play an i play an active role in each one of those
downfalls it was my it was my doing that put me in that situation you know yeah I agree I mean we play the victim and we're just so selfish that we don't know what's going on 100% so you so you made your way back to the city yeah you're in the city now after being homeless where did you go did you go back to at that point well here's what happened so I went to a I I went to I got into Fairfax somehow through the bus yeah and I went to the sneaker store I do business with my friends worked there and they were
like holy [ __ ] Resa you're alive you need to call your family they think you're dead yeah and I was like oh [ __ ] like this is a lot to deal with yeah and then within like 15 20 minutes like five of my friends drove there immediately and one of them was like you need a sleep in treatment tonight yeah that your parents aren't going to let you back in and I kind of wanted to be homeless still I was like no like I'm doing fine like I I'll just you know do this homeless thing yeah and he was like dude you're out of your mind you smell
like [ __ ] just one night just sleep and treatment one night you're like I haven't showered in 17 days like I'm good man I'm good but I look good for homeless I was like stealing clothes I had a nice hat on you I stole yeah but he drove me to treatment that night okay yeah he drove you so that was and I knew it wasn't going to be one night I knew I was like okay this is we're back in this thing yeah [ __ ] back in treatment you know so how long were you in treatment for dude on and off like since February of last year I was in I took a one month
off to go to Iran cuz after a month of treatment initially I like needed to get out of treatment mhm and I knew my parents were going to like take anything so I told my mom like listen I just need to be in Iran I need to be around family I feel lonely just whatever I could to get the [ __ ] out of treatment so I spent a month in Iran in between that and it was terrible it was [ __ ] awful 100% 100% yeah yeah yeah and part of me I think wanted to go there to try to get high there you know you can't really get
drugs in Iran huh well I got drunk a couple times but my like my extended relatives kind of knew what was up at this point too so they were like like we were around alcohol but my uncle was like nah I'm not drinking in front of you you're not drinking is is alcohol easy to procure in uh Iran I know it's a Muslim country a lot of people make their own alcohol okay because people sell it and and they don't trust the alcohol coming in cuz people some people get blind from it you know it's like you know what I mean so people it's a it's a
Muslim country and Muslim it's a a sin is that right is the right name you're not supposed to drink you're just not supposed to drink according to the Quran you're just not supposed to drink yeah but you know how it is even when the proclam uh the prohibition in America they got alcohol here same thing over there they get alcohol overseas or a lot of people just make their own alcohol yeah just so they know where it's coming from when you were drinking alcohol over there you were putting yourself In Harm's Way because if you got caught
you'd be thrown in prison yeah but people there are so professional that we do everything in inside yeah no one's doing anything outside you know it's all inside closed doors but I remember you know I drank there twice and I got I smoked weed one time m and I was with my second cousin and he was chill he likes the party and I remember smoking weed there and I was kind of really paranoid I didn't go to psychosis but I was like tripping yeah you know what I mean I was like in a different country too you know I was tripping was super 100% yeah you
know it's it just goes back to the fact that like when we pull geographical it's not it's not going to work because wherever you go there you are it's what's within you that's causing you to be the addict it's not what's outside of you that's causing you to be an addict yes a lot of the times changing your scenery changing your geog changing your environment so you're not constantly around drugs like you know if you're in the trap house or if you in your community you know where to get drugs it's good to change your
environment for a temporary time going to treatment go into sober living build that foundation so when you go back in that environment you're better equipped to say no you know we recoil from it like a hot flame so anyways you were in Iran and you SM smoking you got paranoid then what happened you came back yeah yeah that all that happened like the first week of Iran I was still there for three more weeks okay and it was so miserable because like cuz I was still in a psychosis like the first month in treatment so by the time I get to Iran
I'm fully off The psychosis and I'm just my brain is fried I I'm like a whole different person I'm not the person I used to be and my family was there too to witness it and they're like what's wrong with you cuz I didn't want to do anything yeah I was just laying in bed watching TV very unsocial socially withdrawn family members wanted to see me I didn't want to do anything to do with it so they were really worried and it was just the whole thing was just a disaster yeah and I came back into a treatment and it was just it was a
struggle like I my mental health was so bad and I thought that I was never going to revert back to my old self okay I thought this was like the post psychosis this is how it's going to be and and I feel like no one could understand me no one understood what I went through because my parents were just like REI you had 5 years before just get it together just [ __ ] get it together you know what the [ __ ] to do it's not that simple you know not simple at all I didn't see any hope you know I wanted to die and I relapsed a lot and in my
relapses I did my sherff fentanyl you know overdose twice wow what was that like what did that feel like when you overdose so I that is something that's happening a lot I I want to touch base on with somebody that has firstand perspective what is that like overdosing when you're about to overdose what are you thinking you blacked out what is that like well here's the here's the sad part I was so miserable that I wanted to overdose and die okay so when I when I when they woke me up I was like [ __ ] you know that's
not the first time I've heard that yeah it's like not the I hear that a lot actually why didn't you let me go yeah but obviously like the physical aspect of it you know they give you the Naran and it's terrible you freezing freezing to death yeah you like you puke after like you just physically feel like [ __ ] yeah and the first time I overdosed I was only in like 10 hours but what was it like before like when you're when you take that hit a fentanyl and you're like nodding out into that the first time I I
overdosed it was on heroin but it was laced yeah yeah yeah and and I you know I didn't want to do Fentanyl not because of like what it was I just like heroin I like the taste of heroin I'm familiar with heroin and it was a pain in the ass to even get it cuz fentanyls that's only taken over there's no there's no such thing as heroin anymore everything is fentel and I remember my boy was like res you're ging me a [ __ ] hard time something be like a week or two to get [ __ ] heroin yeah and I said I need heroin yeah so but that's so the first
time it was laced yeah so I I wasn't expecting overdose okay cuz you know what i' I smoke heroin you know I been smoking it for years years in the my 20s MH and I never overdose but physically what did that feel like to drop into that overdose knowing that to stop breathing to well you don't feel it you don't feel it you don't have any memory of it you don't have any memory I just remember waking up can in the paramedics okay wow yeah wow wow wow Jesus yeah it's there one second you're here one second you're not boom it just happens
that fast but God always made me overdose in front of people okay so you know it was like he wanted me here I have a purpose in this world beautiful he didn't want me it's not beautiful that you overdose but it's beautiful that you see God in everything you see God play a part in every part of your life cuz the times like I did it by myself I would never overdose yeah you know yeah it's scary it's super scary so you overdosed a couple times when did you realize that it start time it's starting you have to start taking this
thing seriously that this thing is no longer a joke you know that's that's the sickening part is when your mental health is really bad and you're an alcoholic yeah that's a deadly combination because you're so self-centered you're so stuck in self-centered fear that you don't give a [ __ ] about anyone else you're just like yeah like kind of having intrusive thoughts about your misery and obviously like my parents like they're tripping they're scared out of their mind my sponsor is getting tired of me relapsing but I all I could
think about is why can't I be like old Resa like this psychosis ruined me [ __ ] this psychosis why did God do this to me like what did I do to God played the victim you know felt pathetic all of that but it was all self-centered fear and and and just selfishness and just a combination was just deadly yeah 100% 100% you know and um what was the realization when you made the call to Anthony that it was going to be this time this is the time where I'm going to take my sobriety seriously cuz this is the longest amount of time that you've
had since that 5year run so what so what was what went through your mind when you what divine intervention is what I like to call it what was that mindset well here's the thing like even when I called Anthony I still had no hope yeah I was just like again we're going to do this again I'm going to just do like maybe two three weeks try to buy as much time and then I'm going to end up changing the way I want to feel because I feel like so miserable yeah so but the one thing that was different obviously was my money was Tapped Out yeah so I had I
had like 15 20K okay it was all gone from all the hotels and the drugs and whatever else so but I had no hope still yeah I had no [ __ ] hope yeah but one thing that also checked in with me was my sponsor who was riding with me the whole time yeah told me listen he's a good guy talk I love him to death stand up dude he told me like this is it you realiz one more time I'm [ __ ] done with you yeah and I I had this moment where I just felt pathetic I'm like damn if everyone's done with me so my sponsors done with me it's all bad so
that took in a play but like I said none of that's enough none of that is enough nothing and I still felt like [ __ ] the first two 3 weeks I was here but one thing that helped me a lot in that time was Warner Park yeah you know I finally went to I op that really had amazing groups took this [ __ ] seriously didn't feel like it was a chore going into it and there was book studies there was a book study group that really [ __ ] helped me yeah the 12-step uh big book and I didn't want to be there when I first came in I was I didn't I don't
want anything to do with it but I just stuck in it because something in me was just tired yeah you know I remember like I'll talk to my friends in the sneaker game that are like good friends really good friends that were you know constantly looking for me when I was missing mhm and I remember having a phone conversation that kind of stuck to me and he was like dude res it's been 16 months what are you doing in detox yeah like when are you going to get out of there yeah and at the time I was so miserable I was like I didn't care I
just I felt so bad for myself I was like [ __ ] you know but it kind of stuck out to me and it was just like when am I going to get back to like reality I'm institutionalized like this is scary yeah you know yeah yeah yeah Med call you know all this was just reality like I'm going to be I felt like I was going to be EXC forever it's scary being institutionalized because people make the decisions for you you know when you get institutionalized you're no longer in control it's the other people are making decisions for your life because you
can't make them for yourself because when you do make those decisions for your life you end up overdosing and dying you know it's very scary it's you know and nobody wants to be in a place where they're institutionalized they want to get that power back you know but how do you get the power back you have to admit that you're powerless another great Paradox of this program is that in order to take back power you have to admit you're powerless over certain things over certain things which is the basis of the Serenity Prayer God grant
me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference you know but so you came into treatment and then you came to our house yeah and what set our house a little bit different what made our house a little different than the other places in well the first thing that I noticed was at the time I checked in we only had four client I was the fourth client yeah so that peace of mind I'm like I'm a private person I could be very social but I like my own space yeah and I'm
used to being in sober livings with like 15 16 people 10 people in the kitchen yeah and it just it was too much for me it could be crowded it could be very crowded you know so I was able to just be able to navigate on my my terms yeah you know that helped me a lot but also you and Brian like you guys really gave a [ __ ] yeah and I'm not saying most sober living owners don't give a [ __ ] but you guys were very active and I felt the love you know I felt like you guys genuinely cared about my well-being of course you know well we're you know
we're so happy that we were able to play an active role in your recovery we're so happy that you came and you joined our community here you were one of the founding guys that helped us build up the community cuz yeah Brian and I we started the house but it's you guys in the house that you guys create the culture you guys create the community it's not us we're not here all the time you guys are so it's you guys set the tone for the new guys that come through the door you know and you're you're a huge leader in that and we really
appreciate you for that we're really thankful that you got you came into our house you know but I think uh I think that's all the time we got today Reza thanks for coming on the podcast man and I'm excited to see where you go I'm EXC really grateful to be in this house and I'm just honored for the future and I'm just like I said I'm blessed to have another opportunity of Life yeah this is just the beginning man this is just the beginning I'm glad you guys had me you're going to help so many people you're going to help so many people all
right brother all right wow wow that was a that's Resa has an intense story you know everything he's been through and that was just post his 5 years you know clean yeah that wasn't even before he got clean the first time and I think too you know it's it's it's so unique the the experience that Reza had within his his schizophrenic or psychotic episode under cannabis because that is a problem that just isn't talked about enough no you know and the literature is is really clear especially for young people the statistics jump way up if you're using
cannabis you know between 13 to 20 Etc the chances are that you're going to have a schizophrenic break if you're predisposed to it are way way higher so I'm glad we got we got an opport Unity to sort of you know share that side of of you know people's experiences with cannabis 100% because again society and the media and everything paints cannabis as this you know harmless harmless plant a weed when it's a weed it's a weed there toxins in it it's that grows out of the ground you know but they don't you know they don't understand how how
dangerous a compound could be if it's you know when it's abused like that yeah we heard all about it so so awesome awesome yeah big thanks to Reza yeah um appreciate all our listeners tuning in and uh looking forward to the next one yeah thank you guys have a good one
